Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Rejection Sensitive--Part 1

I know I'm not the only one. I know you are out there too. I've seen your blogs. This theme comes to mind because I am thinking of the New Year and, inevitably, resolutions. I have no intention of making New Year's resolutions. This is almost like a jinx--if you make them no good will come of it. But there are things I want to accomplish next year. I wrote some of them down for my first Thursday Thirteen. Some were lifetime goals or dreams but one I want to do this year. I want to submit a piece of my writing for publication.
Hence the rejection sensitive theme. I am petrified of submitting something. I am afraid of the rejection letter. I am afraid of the laughter I will not hear but can imagine of the person reading my submission. I am afraid that I will never write again after one or two letters or simply being ignored. I am afraid I am a narcissistic idiot for thinking anyone would want to read what I wrote.
I have had many successes in life, but I tend to remember the rejections, large and small, so much better. I remember the patients who seemed to feel they could find a better doctor elsewhere, the friends who stopped calling, the award I didn't win in high school.
One reason I started this blog was to deal with the anxiety of having my writing in the public domain. I am reaching the sixth month point for this blog and people have been very kind and supportive. Of course, this is easy to write off, just as it is easy to write off compliments from family members--you just say this because you have to/feel sorry for me/want a compliment back. I do get hung up on whether anyone reads, why I got no comments on post X, Y, or Z, or as I posted a few weeks ago, whether anyone is laughing at my attempts at poetry. My confidence in my photographs has grown, which is nice. Thanks, guys.
But this time I have made up my mind. I have one piece of short, non-fiction writing I think I can submit somewhere. I have to work out one or two logistical details first and re-read and revise but I have promised myself I will face my demons. At least if no one accepts my story, I can post it here.


Self Taught Artist said...

I just wrote 3 paragraphs about this and decided why bother...you know you are smart and have a personality and the ability to not bore or baffle people with your words.
It really strikes me as odd you would have such thoughts, I can't imagine you would be laughed at. As far as rejection, its never personal and I think you already know that.
I was happy to read this post, surprised and even jealous that you are doing this and your livelihood doesn't count on anything turning out either way.
Enjoy and learn from it :) yes?

Attila The Mom said...

I think everyone who creates something faces these same fears. The only way to get over it is to just do it.

I know you can!!

dawn said...

I submit so many things to so many places that rejection is a normal piece of every day. :-) I guess it has made me tough skinned.

What you might try to do is have a local editor read over your writing just for mechanics. You might also consider talking to someone who has been published and have that person look it over to give you some feedback on what to expect from prospective publishers.

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure it will be a positive experience for you.

m.m.crow said...

i wanted to suggest a few things to read. stephen king's book, On Writing, is phenomenal. i've never read his fiction but picked this up randomly at the library last year. he talks alot about rejection letters. he hung each one by a nail above his desk for years before he got his work published in some ringy dingy magazine. i think the point is that you have to start somewhere. make the project about overcoming your own obstacles instead of actually getting published. take a long breath and do it. if it helps,though,i totally relate. i'm in the same boat.

Skittles said...

Go for it.

And about the comments. I have over 300 people coming through my blog every day and only a very very small percentage of those leave comments. There are some posts I do that only get one or two.. some get more.

But I always think, they didn't have to. There's no way I would have known they were there and hadn't.

Self Taught Artist said...

just wanted to let you know i am deleting my blog, it doesn't feel healthy to be blogging. thanks for all your comment. paula