Sunday, April 15, 2007

Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

American Eagle

The time has come for me to reveal my true identity. Yes it is I, famed superspy, Mata Sari, or is it Sara Hari, or, no it's, Shmata* Shari, Yiddish speaking supersnoop. No longer will I hide here on the internet as a mild-mannered bird-watching shrink.













Remember all those lurkers reading your site but never leaving comments? That is part of my network of internet spies saving our nation and the free world. It is too late to delete your blogs. I have it all down. Our fearless leader hired me, Shmata, to monitor the net waves for those who dare mock him and his talented team of liberty-loving rednecks.
You have posted your last Bush joke. We now control your internet service provider (hitherto known as IPS--sorry like our leader I'm dsylexic). Those cute little bird pictures? They are my specially trained junco squad. Each gray bird has a designated site they will fly to in the next few days. First the wood peckers and squirrels will gnaw holes in your cables and wires. Then each junco will so delicately take a dump in a critical location. If you thought bird flu was bad, you should try this virus!
Once we control the internet we can get back to business. My advisers have told our president that matters in Iranq and Korea will take more than two years to solve. We owe it to the free world to prolong the tenure of our current administration for another 6 short years. Once we have settled the problem of the Triangle of Evil, Trial of Evil, Triad of Envy, oh you know what I mean, Bush's daughters will be out of rehab. and able to run for office in his stead.
Do not be overconfident. The birds are not my only hench-animals. Did you ever wonder why your cats always linger outside the bathroom when you are in there. They too are monitoring your every move. Should you think to bring your laptop into the bathroom while you do the deed, they know. Each whisker is a special wireless transmitter picking up your every key stroke. Your cats leave secretly encoded messages in the catbox for later pick up.
Oh, I have to go. My security team tells me there was a wren spied in my back yard. More updates to follow.

*Shmatteh - Rag, anything worthless from Yiddishkeit

9 comments:

Kathe said...

funny

Liza's Eyeview said...

clever... very clever post :)

Kathe said...

Hayley loves this post too. She's literally (STILL) cracking up....and she finished reading it a few minutes ago!

Jennifer said...

I love it! Very creative, playing on one's paranoia through their pets...ooohhhh the fear! the fear! LOL I always wondered why my cat lays on the back of my chair while I type...

Remiman said...

Clever, very inovative!
rel

Crafty Green Poet said...

You've not enrolled my rabbit in your network have you?

gautami tripathy said...

I knew it. I had sensed that lurker!!!

Self Taught Artist said...

you ARE a writer :)

Rayne said...

That would totally explain that robin who keeps peeping in my window. Wonder if he can be bribed?