Brag Letter

For this week's Sunday Scribblings I am asked to write about how wonderful I am. Here is my best effort.



Last week, a patient told me that I am smart. We were, necessarily, talking about her and it came out as a comparison. I am smarter than she is. I wasn’t doing much to justify the compliment or the comparison. It just came out. Even though I know I am smart the compliment, as always, made me uncomfortable.
I think the discomfort with compliments is commonplace. It doesn’t always reflect low self esteem. In my case it reflects some of the awkwardness I learned as a child who was identified by her peers as being smart or brainy. Yes, being smart means you get the admiration and envy of your peers. But it also means that people minimize your efforts. No A seems earned because a “brain” like you shouldn’t have to work much. Anything less than an A is deemed shameful.
I watched this process happening to my son in elementary school. He learned to feign modesty lest he be judged boastful. He minimized his accomplishments to maintain friendships. Of course, he is also naturally modest and was surprised when I told him recently that he could at least aspire to any college in the country.
I don’t like being asked about my strengths and talents. I hope that they are evident in my words and actions. I don’t tell people I am a good doctor but I hope they think so. Not because I show off knowledge but because I provide care that makes them feel better.
I especially hate it when a prospective employer asks my strengths and weaknesses. It is difficult to walk the fine line between boasting and false modesty. Say too much and you are vain and egotistical. Say too little and you are incompetent. Likewise with the weaknesses. Are you really going to say something that would make you unemployable? I have a temper, I lose things, I forget to return phone calls, or I have problems with authority figures? I don’t think so.
As my older son applies to colleges, the process resonates with my memories of being evaluated in the past. There is the “college love letter” which tells the college why you would love to go there (watch the hyperbole). There is the the challenge of trying to prove how wonderful a candidate you are without saying it in so many words.



Here is one of the Common Application Personal Essays for this year:
Option #5. A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
Try turning this into an interesting, personal, fun, modest yet revealing essay! I hated these essays so much when I was his age that I shut down over one scholarship essay and my mom half wrote it for me. It turned out rather lame and I did not get that particular scholarship. I think my son is doing better.
It occurred to me to answer one of the essay questions out of curiosity and solidarity with my son. Unfortunately for solidarity, I decided I couldn’t post a sample essay. Given the number of highly anxious high school students right now, someone might be tempted to steal my words. I might rise to the challenge after the college application deadlines are long past. Or I might not.