Shopping for a Bathing Suit

It has been several years since the last time I bought a bathing suit. I'm guessing around 6. The two I currently own are losing their elastic properties and one has a few holes in the seat. So I set out today to replace them.
I'm not sure anyone enjoys shopping for bathing suits. For one, the dressing room lights manage to make anyone's skin tone look sickly. For another, I have yet to meet an American woman who feels absolute self-confidence in her body. Trying on swim wear seems to bring out the worst in all of us.
I can't think of bathing suits without thinking of the comic strip Cathy. There seems to always be a scene with Cathy trying on a suit and shrieking "AAACK!"
To verify that my recall is correct, I looked up Cathy on Wikkipedia, source of all internet knowledge. Here is what Wikki has to say about Cathy:
"Cathy has a love/hate affair with food (especially carbohydrates). She loves it, but hates what it does to her thighs. She is often shown in a department store fitting room trying to stuff herself into a bathing suit."
Today's trip typified my previous experiences only more so. Perhaps it was my choice of stores (Nordstrom's) or my tendency to shop at the end of the season, but the suits I found were particularly loathsome. No, this was not my body image problem. I immediately determined that I do not need the slimming suit (one entire rack) since I have been accused of having "no butt." I tried on suits that made me look lopsided, suits that made me look lumpy all over and ones that even a woman built like a fashion model would have refused to wear unless paid handsomely. What were the designers thinking of? These weren't cheap suits either (note I was at Nordstrom's). After trying on around 15 suits I finally found something, ahem, suitable. Nothing great. Just not a granny suit and not a string bikini either. I can wear it in public without needing liposuction or a paper bag to wear on my head. And it doesn't make me look like I have three breasts.
On the plus side, on the way out of the building I fell in love with a dress which I will wear to the wedding I'm attending at the end of the month in New York City. So the outing wasn't a total waste.
By the way, that is really me on the rope swing. It was around 6 years ago and we were in Costa Rica. I was the only adult brave enough to swing with my son. Which is part of the reason the elastic is gone on that particular swim suit. It served its purpose.
Tomorrow we head to California for a family vacation and a few college tours. I hope I get some great shots of Yosemite and Sequoia to share with you. And I hope the natives like my swim suits.
Back soon, internet access willing.